Towards freedom!

Wow my previous post was like a year ago...the last was about me going for the much dreaded GCC,one of the courses most infamous in the army for their turn out.I can still remember the first morning when i was turned out at 4am in the morning,what with the sirens roaring all over the place.Running down the 8 flight of stairs in my full battle order,my breathing was jumping up and down,and in my mind i couldn't believed at what i had to go through again then.Following that,the notorious Ex.Welcome was presented to us.

I have since passed out,gotten the coverted kakis beret with its Guards tab,and conducted turn out drills.The passing year is one full of adventures,with many changes i can see in my life.I had become even stronger in my mental due to GCC,there is no 'can't do' ,only 'can do' in my life now.I have taken men under my wing,trainned them in the way of army,transiting from their instructor to commander and finally as their peer. How i wish i had the time taken and remembered to write it all down here what has happened in the year.The memories are slipping by me as i am recalling,leaving behind traces of reminiscence.

Month:

1-3:I was posted back to Tekong as an instructor,to learn how to take care of new recruits.As the only one wearing kakis beret in the coy,i was respected and feared by the recruits when i just arrived.I had my first taste of a commander life during this period as an instructor,learnt why certain things were done to me as a recruit,and why my sergents was tough on me.My peers commanders in Tekong may seem to be having an easy life,with many saying they are living like a king over there.However they admired me for having the chance to take a group of men under me,train live command those men for a year.To them,no matter how close their bond with their trainnees would be,at the end of the 3 months bonding,they would untimately be posted out.And they would be back to teaching the same things again to new recruits.My batch of recruits would be passing out of command school by now,with some being sergents and other officers.I also first understood how tough it would be uphold the Guards name,with many high expectation from the other,and we have to go the extra miles to prove Guards are worthy of the given Elite Status.

3-5
Came back to 3 Guards,took in a group of men who would untimately be with me throughout my final year in NS.There was tough time for us commanders as we had to take care of them and also fun time when we relate to how we are able to changed them.Feel damn proud when i see them doing their POP,having completed their first part of their transitation into the army.I could still remember one of my men looked at me in the eyes and wished me good night during his first night out sleeping in the outfield.

6-8
The period came when we are really going down tough on the men.Their AIT was a mini version of my GCC,however when it comes to Guards,there is no comproming of standard.We pushes our guys as hard as we could,telling them its a privilege for them to be a Guards and how high our expectation was.For their passing out test,i had to go through one mini GAC with my guys,showing them what is called 'the never dying' spirit of Guards and why we don't fall as easy as the other.It was another proud moment when they gotten their kakis beret and Guards tab at the end of the course.They were able to understand the high standard people had of Guards,the respect we gained and finally the 'never say die' spirit they would come to have.

9-11
We had settled into a routine,the guys knew what they are supposed to do and their body had already gotten uses to the tough trainning we pushes on them.Trainning,reteaching,going through what could be improved,slowly bits by bits we are starting to become a real army of elites soliders.Plt test,coy test we had passed them all,and we were just waiting for our trip to Thailand for the TEST that would see whether us 3 Guards has what it takes to be an operation ready army.

11-12
My 3 weeks in Thailand had passed,and i still couldn't believed i was back in Singapore when i touched down 2 days ago.I had gotten used to the inital cold,then blazing hot weather ,the common bathing area where all of us had to uses the water from the big tub,the 6am waking up every days,the canteen food and the slow pace of life over there.It was truely a great experience for me,but most importantly we had pass the test that was given to us.Now 3 Guards are ready,and i am relieved i have done my job in taking them this far.The rest would be up to their new commanders who will be taking over me and themselves for their last test next year.

My times is almost up,my 2 years has passed by in a wink of the eyes so as to say.I am glad i learnt so much things during this 2 years,those that would serves me for a whole life time.Now i must be preparing for my life back into the population after an absense of 2 years.I would not ever forget my life in the army,especially the time in Guards.I am proud to be a GUARDSMEN!Lastly this is the cheer our CO have given to the Bn since day 1 the men came under my care:

3 Guards!AIE!

*blazing towards freedom*

3 Guards

It has been 3 weeks since i left Sispec Foxtrot Coy and i still missed that place.It was a big different from leaving Charlie which i was grateful for.I have been posted to 3rd Guards...the so call Elite Infantry Unit...Unlike in my previous post,i have to put on hold my leading of 6 men.I need to undergo one very demanding GCC (Guards Conversation Course),which the guards said would stretch our mental and physical strength to the limit.

The course would start in about a week time,and i have been trying to mentally prepare myself for the tough days ahead of me.I seem to have grown much more stronger in terms of mentally now.I was fearful of the unknown in the army before i enlisted into BMTC.Looking back on the days,the trainning in Sispec have prepared me much,in mind and body.I am grateful for Charlie and Foxtrot Coy,one for training me to work under tough and stress demand and the other for making me pushing myself willing to the limit.

Thinking back,i can still remember the day i left Foxtrot.The POP was terrible bad,due to the Parade Commander (who was the best trainee with the golden bayonet) and the MC.The Parade Commander gave one wrong soft command which nobody at the back formation could hear,resulting in some platoon doing a down arms while the other are standing still.That drew quite a few laughters from the parents...etc The MC also cut short the speech of the guest of honor (who was a BG)...To think that my last POP would be end up as a joke,i am regretable sad for myself.

Can't believe i would going on another course again (GCC),even though i passed out from Sispec.I thought i am finally done with all the course and ready to be commander,have some trust and freedom to do what i wanted.Looks like i have to grind my teeth and push myself on again for this GCC.I would go through it and get the coverted kakis beret and "Guards" tab!

*training forever*

STARLIGHT!

It has been a good thing that i am posted to Foxtrot Coy,i have been enjoying my time trainning in there so far.Our OC is a man who care deeply for his trainees and alway gave us nights out as a reward for our accomplishment.Before we set out on any trainning/execise/mission,he would promised us nights out if we come back together as a whole,nobody fall out and everyone completed the execise.The first time he said that,i didn't believe him as i have been cheated/conned before by my previous commanders.However since that first night out,i have complete trust in my OC that he would take care of us and deliver what he promised.

My section commander is younger than me by one year,and hes quite nice to us.I wouldn't say that he provide slack trainning,as my PC believe thats what he did.Its just that he understand our modern way of thinking on trainning.We don't need tough trainning,as long as we understand the drill.BUT!!!There are alway some guys who would not pay attention,and because they fool around during practise,they couldn't execute the drill properly,they blame it on the section commander.

I still remember the time when we went for the FIBUA (Fight In Built Up Area) live range.One guy kept making mistakes and redoing again and again.Because of him,my PC doesn't like and reproached my section commander for not doing his work,earning his pay,cheating his way to the pay.I could see my section commander was very disppointed and depressed during our next trainning.And to think that the guy who did all those idiotic mistakes dare to blame it on our section commander for having not teaching him.I was like WTF!Why is that i being in the same section as him,executed my drill correctly without any trouble or redoing?

I pity my section commander and sometimes i wishes that they would gave us the tough life as in Charlie on seeing how some of my coursemates behaved.Like the sergents that have said,we are all now corporal and are expected to know the Dos and Don'ts.Most if not all of the corporal just doesn't care cos they thought with a rank on the side they are immune.I for one took extreme pride in my rank,even thought its a lousy corporal rank on the sleeve unlike a bar on the shoulder,because of what i have put in to achieve it.I tried to behave like a junior commander as a corporal,even when i may look like a fcuker to the others,i insisted on it.I am not like the other who just slack and sneak through BSLC.I may not like BSLC,but i have gone through it putting in my very best effort,thus i have pride in the rank even when i doesn't want it in the first place.

So in about another 10 hours i would moving out to the airport,preparing for my flight to Taiwan.Time passes real fast when i am in Foxtrot,unlike when i am in Charlie.I can't believe i would going to Taiwan and in a month time i would be a sergent,with 6 men under me...

When i'm back,i would be stronger as a commander!
To operation STARLIGHT!

*Blazing toward STARLIGHT*

New start again

Haiz~I got posted to command school again for Advance Section Leader Course.I was hoping to be posted for unit trainning after my Basic Section Leader Course.I have a feeling my fate was sealed long ago the day i enlisted,of all the surveys and interview they conducted,none of them really matters at all.It got even worse on the day i enrolled in BSLC Coy C Plt 1,for most of the ASLC intake came from each coy plt 1.

Oh well at least i can celebrate that i have completed my BSLC and gotten my corporal rank (not forgetting the corporal pay as well ;p)

The 28km route march was in a way grinding,like one of my coy PC say "Its going to be a slow and painful march". ROFL!That was a great way to motivate us before the great march.But nevertheless like most ,if not all, of the tough times in army,i would never forget that march.As a NSF that was conditioned to sleep/lights out at 2230,i started to lose my condination slowly after 2330.I was walking with my eyes closed and swirling side to side.I kept shaking my head in an effort to clear my head and hoped my eyes would not closed down on me.Left with no choice i took out my bottle and drank quite alot before my mind is clear and alert,for a few while.I was so looking forward to the 16km night snack break point,since my frenz informed me we would have chilled 100 plus drink waiting for us.CHILLED 100 PLUS !!!WOO!!!That was enough to keep me walking back ;p After the night snack,we continued on our march and there wasn't much interesting happening in the middle of the night.Anyway at our 24km check point,we were allowed to rest longer than the usual 15 min and i fell into a deep sleep.So deep that my frenz woke me for fear of me being caught by the instructors for snoring so loud...wahahaha ;p

After our through the night 28km route march (from 2100 - 0600),we rested at the SOC ground,waiting for our cue to enter the parade square,but we over rested and caused the whole school to wait for us wahaha.Finally we marched in,proudly and perfectly (even better than our pratice drill),stood still while the commander gave one of his usual long,boring crap speech before inspecting the parade.And i was cursing him silently in my heart,cos after the march my back was hurting alot but pride wouldn't allow me to fall out.There was even a guy who fainted during the speech,and he was the other coy plt best,that said alot about the physical of everyone at that moment.My chevron was put on by my OC,since my PC was unable to get away from his duty,which was a sad thing for us plt 1.

Gotten the bad new (could be a good one,i dunno) that i am posted to ASLC and have to start shifting my stuff over to foxtrot Coy.The instructors seem pretty nice,but thats the first impression,never knew what they could be capable of...~_~

Anyway i am grateful for what a great buddy B.T has been ,though he is in other plt now,we clicked right on the first day and kept it at that all the way to the end.He is everything i would ask of a buddy and hopefully he think the same of me too.And to the rest of the section mates who never failed to keep up the spirit in the bunk,thanks.

Cpl B.T
Cpl C.F
Cpl Jeff
Cpl Ray

At first i was disgusted to be posted to BSLC and detest everything that was in there,to the extend that i would not want or even sing the school song.However being left with no choice,i pushed myself and tried my best.Thankful i have good section mates that make the course fun and colourful,mainly the above mentioned.3 of us has been posted to ASLC,2 cross over to Air Force,but with hope in fate,we will keep in contact and be the best of trusted friends.

I noticed the recent nights has been quite beautiful and starry,but wondered who would be able to appreciate the stars with me.

*Waltzing under the stars*

Gypsy,Wanderer,Nutcracker,Grandslam...

At long last i have completed all my trainning and missions.Incases you are wandering about the title,they are the codename for all our execise:

Gypsy 1 and 2 :

• Gypsy 1 is a learning execise where we put to use the navigation skill we have learnt so far.Both Gypsy 1 and 2 took place in the dense vegetation area Mandai and sergent Vela was with my section.As we wasted too much time in finding the first check point,he instructs us to look for a pipeline/path which would bring us to our log and second check point.That by the way,is something which we shouldn't be doing.Was unable to find our second day check point,even thought we tried looking for it again at night,with its exact location pointed out to us by another sergent.
• Gypsy 2 is an evalution execise for our navigation skill.It took place just 2 days after Gypsy and in the same area.Tried as hard as my team of 4 man could,we couldn't find the first day check point.Sergent at the log point adviced us to search for the second check point since time was running.We found a pair of lost trainnees while on our way back from the second check point.They were so lost that they couldn't believe me when i pointed out our location.I still couldn't forget how their eyes widen and the look on the face at the time.We tried using my signal set to call for their team but to no avail.As it turn out,their team's signal set was damaged and unable to recieve our call.For the night check point,ys's team took us to the spot as it was their day check point.And also,sergent Vela went to check on the check point we miss out on during Gypsy 1 and indeed the sign board was just infront of where we were standing that day,just that we couldn't seen it at night.

Wanderer:

• Went back to Tekong for this navigation test.It seems to be much easier navigation over there than in Mandai.We managed to find 2 out 4 day check points by 1430,and being so confident that we would be able to locate the next 2 check points within the 4 hours time limit,we took a long 45 min break.Found out that Jeffrey lost his pacer during the bashing,but we were unable to find it.We walk along the path,which wasn't allow,and gotten lost in one of the turns.Finally with Jeffrey recceing and my map tracking,i pinpointed our location and calculated the direction to our third check point (quite a gamble).As it turned out,i was right and we gotten our third check point at about 1700.Sure as ever before we would make it on time,i tasked the guy with the least navigation skill to be the navigator so he would be able to learn and apply something.It was a big mistake.We gotten so lost to the spot that we were unable to make it back to the end point.We have to take the rover driven by our OC back,then took a tonner to our night start point.Since my team started late,i just disregard the route we had planned and took a straight path.The place was totally unlike in the map,but we were able to adapt.I basically acted like a bastard,pushing and rushing my team to get to the check point on time.I think they could see that i am pissed,and they corperated well together.Anyway we found the two night check points in record time and make it back to base just on time.

Nutcracker:

• Two of the worse nights ever in my life.First night we were to dig a shell scrap solo within 45 min,mine took a bit longer.Then we were to dig a fire trench in buddy level,and it has to be up to our chest level.My buddy was called to another task at about 12 mn,and i was left alone to dig by myself.I dig and dig and dig and dig ...etc for 3 to 4 hours and seriously my mind was starting to stop functioning.I would become so exhuasted that i just sat that for a while,drink some water and coninue on digging again.I cursed and sweared silently when i discovered that i have to dig extra more for the chest level as i am so damn tall...Anyhow my fire trench was managed to be completed by 7 in the morning,and i just collapsed into a sleep for an hour or two.The second night was just as horrible.My platoon was unable to execute the reinforcement drill correctly,my platoon commander punished us with alot of push up and jumping jack.I couldn't remember any moment of my life that was this bad.And i totally screwed up for the second drill as i shouted out the wrong code name and got scolded by my platoon commander.

Grandslam:

• The last and final execise,which is also a test for all of us.Because of the Nutcracker execise,i was able to cope well with little sleep and being on duty during the two nights.However i would like to say that this execise has seen me cocked up some stuff,and my weakness.Not exactly the most fondest execise i would like to have due to my cocked up.That is all i would reveal,nothing more.

So thats it,8 weeks of Sispec trainning has passed.After the off in liew to this sunday,i would be in my 10th and final week sispec,getting ready to pass out.All that is left is the 28km route march and we are off.A pity my platoon commander is posted to another unit and unable to put on our rank for us.For even thought he was the most fierce and demanding platoon commander in all of sispec,all of us feel that getting the rank put on by him would be an achivement,a statement for us.We could feel proud and stand tall with pride,knowing we passed out from the most 'xiong' platoon commander.

Althought i hated coming to Sispec at first,but now with the close bond i have formed with my section mates,i found it hard and a dread to part from each other on our POP.And also i have gotten used to lights out and sleeping in that bed by the window.I thought the bond i formed with my bmt mates were strong,but the trainning in Sispec is alot more tougher and the bond alot more stronger.Looks like i have to learnt to accept this kind of farewell and separation,i have been through quite a number of them already...

"preparing for sispec departure"

Tired...

I am so tired...mentally...Just two weeks into SISPEC and already i am feeling the burn out.I just feel that i cannot hang on much longer,any mistake is going to come soon and i would be punished for that...

Its like i am falling in a never ending dark deep hole in the ground,the more tasks i completed the more fearful i am of the next one.I doesn't know when i can carry on doing the best i can.Eight more weeks,thats all i have to endure til the end...Somehow i feel like i am all alone,doing all i can but that hollow within me is frightening me by the moments...

Its like theres something heavy inside of me,and behind pushing/weighting me down.I am looking so downward,unable to look ahead...i need somebody to grab hold and pull me up from all these...but with ivan being in OCS,theres doesn't seem to be anyone else i can trust/depend on...

...but myself...

*falling off*

Off to another journey

Posting:Sispec
Vocation:Infantry Leader


My heart felt like dropping out the moment i saw those two lines.I just couldn't accept the fact that i wasn't posted to OCS,i have done my very best in all.Maybe i just doesn't have what it takes to be an officer...or theres something wrong with me...somewhere

Anyway i would be leaving for Sispec in about another 12 hours,my stuff packed and ready to be on the go.After being in BMT for 3 months,i wonder if there would be any differences in Sispec.Heard from my sergants that it wouldn't be so welfare for us,compare to BMT.

I am just so sick of wishing and trying to work for something,only for heaven to thwart it for me.There are something in my life that i couldn't changed no matter how hard i tried,and why must i alway be judge on those things.I am so resentful of myself.........

*walking off into the sunset*