Cousin wedding

At the age of 26,my cousin got married last night.As i was sitting at the VIP table,which i have no idea why i was choosen for that table,i remember the past when i stayed over at her place at the age of 4 or 5.Still recall the time when she was caned so bady by her mum that she cried,the time when we play together,the time we read those Archies comic together.Can't believe that she gotten married already,

time flies past by me so quickly
smoothly like the sand in the hourglass
quietly too like the leaking sand
til i turn and refill the empty hourglass

My father,which is my godfather,talk lots of stuff,some of life teaching and other just plain nonsense.Seems that hes really happy my cousin is getting married.He drank lots of beer and XO,but some of the stuff he said still make sense that i wouldn't know to believe or not.One important thing he told me is "to be a real gentleman","respect other people even when you resent what they do or done".He told me that no matter how hard i might find or hate,i have to respect my dad.My father even shown me that he make up with my uncle who have done nasty to him,and even humble himself before my uncle.And he told me of why i must respect my dad,and the blood of a gentleman flows in me....i do think i am a nice guy,but a gentleman?I can't be that nice,i just can't respect other people who i detest,i can't give in or work with them.

"When you are high up above all the rest,you wouldn't bother about little things like these"

Some how all my life i have taken my father and my mother (which is my godmother) advice seriously as i can,no drinking,no smoking,no gambling...i don't know whether i am able to follow on this important words of his....firstly to start respecting my dad,who i have not talk to for like years...and then to the other people which i have hated...

How should i act like?As and what i like,as a jerk?Try to be as nice as i can and being misunderstood by other?Be a gentleman and be taken as a joke?That are time when i try to be nice but i really wish to just get them the hell out of my life...but why am i pretending to be nice?Is it because its my nature?Or am i play acting?I don't recall myself being trouble with being nice in the past.When i was young,i would love to help out in whatever i could,joinning the sports events because nobody in my house would want to,voluteering to do the classroom cleaning duties.But as i grew older,i just find the idea of me being nice and 'eaten'/'ignore' to be very disgusted,to the point that i find it to be shitty and loath the time when i have to help someone.Why the hell should i help someone when they don't appreciate what i have done?Why do i try to be nice to other people when they think i am nuts,take me for granted?

Just one line "Its my nature,God make me this way"

I can't escape being a nice guy,no matter how much i hated it.Now the next step,as my father say,to make the jump from just being nice to a real gentleman that not only help all,but habour no hard feeling inside him too.

I guess my cousin wedding has gotten to me too,now i start ranting too like my father....

*pondering my next action*